I’m Only Happy When I’m Emotionally Unavailable

Heartbreak is crushing for anyone. Heartbreak for someone who is highly sensitive is enough to ruin them forever.

Highly sensitive people are fragile, emotional beings who don’t like relationships, because it means they will be exposed. To be exposed means to feel completely out of control, scared, and vulnerable.

But once they have reluctantly found themselves at that point and it ends, it feels worse than death. They feel overtaken by sadness and hopelessness and struggle just to make it through the day.

So in order to function again in a healthy way again, highly sensitive people must protect themselves by deadening anything resembling feelings. In order to not feel suicidal or turn to self-medicating due to the intense pain, they must dull all of their senses and emotions.

As someone who is this type of person, let me tell you that once that shift happens, there is no greater feeling in the world. Sure, by dulling feelings we can come across as cold and hard to others. And sure, we won’t be open and available to a potentially amazing partner who crosses our path.

But we are okay with that. Because the fear and anxiety that comes with having to deal with letting our guard down all over again is too much to take.

Relationships and love are not really meant for us. We are not built to handle it. Not until we’re completely mature and evolved and that could take a lifetime.

So we become fully and beautifully emotionally unavailable. Sometimes we are aware of it being present, sometimes we don’t realize it until someone else points it out. But all we know is that we finally feel happy and at peace.

We are now able to live our lives like normal people. We can focus on our career. We can have fun, meaningless flings.

We can go out and feel confident and cool.

We don’t get offended by harmless comments.

We don’t get angry at people for something small.

We can make out with someone for fun.

We don’t lock ourselves in our room and suffer in silence.

We don’t keep ourselves awake at night obsessing about the one we love.

We don’t feel anxiety about where a budding relationship is going.

We can hook-up with someone and literally give zero f*cks if he or she ever calls us again.

We don’t cry all day over lost love.

We don’t live for the text messages from our crush.

We can be carefree and fun.

We can be ourselves.

We can even sometimes accidentally start seeing someone. We are attractive to other people because they look at it as us playing hard to get. And it’s fun for them at first. But it can never really go anywhere.

Because we feel nothing. They will try to open us up until the frustration becomes too much and they leave. And we can’t really care. And we are glad.

To care means to get hurt. Highly sensitive people can either care and be miserable or not care and be happy. It’s our cross to bear.

But don’t feel sad for us because we don’t. We like being emotionally unavailable. It’s the only time when we feel free from the prison that is our sensitivity. We are genuinely laughing again and having fun without expectation.

It’s obviously not ideal to be someone who feels nothing in this world, but for us, it’s necessary. Being in love is a great feeling. But once the love ends, it’s torture. So if you never start it, it never has to end.

One can’t live like that forever, because there is always that one person who is patient and willing enough to break down every wall we have. And then the cycle replays itself.

But until that happens, we are happy.

Leave a Reply